


and I don't get around how you get around

by bannanachan



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Other, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 19:41:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11881452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bannanachan/pseuds/bannanachan
Summary: “Can I ask – I don’t mean to be offensive, I’m not mad –”“Of course.”“When did you give up on her?” You ask, words flooding out of your mouth too fast for you to regret them.She frowns, then laughs. “I think around the time that I punched her in the face.”





	and I don't get around how you get around

You collapse into your favorite pile as soon as you get back, nose-to-nose with scalemates, the point of your glasses pressing up awkwardly against your temple. You don't remove them. You don't move at all until you hear the door, raising your head up enough to notice John enter in and sit down on the floor next to your pile.

"Sorry, Terezi. Maybe you'll find her next time." He says.

You lift yourself further up, and he smiles at you. You're older now, but his smile is just as dopey as when you first met him, a beaming child on your monitor with no shame to speak of.

You smile back sadly, and his grin fades, just slightly. "No. I don't think I will."

***

You've had time to think about it. A lot of time. Enough to realize that it's not just because she's gone, that it hurts so much. It's because you remembered - and then she left. And you were left with so much you wanted to say to her.

The conversation has played out a hundred times in your head, paths twisting and changing depending on what you say and how honest you are. _I love you, how could you, I’m sorry._ Most of the stories end with her coming back home with you, but not all of them. You write them every time you go up there, nothing to do in the void but think about her. And then you write them when you come home, and she’s still not with you.

The first time you left earth, no one tried to stop you. Karkat and Kanaya wanted to, you could tell. But they didn’t say it. Everyone understood, and you were grateful for that. The day before you left the fourth time, you caught Roxy and Jane trying to talk John into talking you out of it. But he didn’t. The fifth time, he did, and the sixth time, Karkat did instead. After that, no one tried again. After that, you stopped counting tries. But you think you’re somewhere between ten and fifteen when you stop trying.

John tells you he’s sorry, and you can’t quite put your finger on what bothers you about it until you tell Dave and Karkat and hear it said again, and suddenly you know exactly what they mean. _I’m sorry on your behalf. I’m sorry you are sad. I’m not sorry that she is gone. I’m not sorry that I will never see her again._ You hear it from Jane, Roxy, Rose, Jake, and Dirk, and the crack in your heart gets wider and wider with each hearing.

You tell Kanaya, and you hear it again, and you must make a noise because she immediately stops and asks if you’re okay.

“Sorry.” She says immediately. “That was a stupid question.”

“Yeah.” You say. “But it’s fine. I guess - you were kind of my last hope? I thought that if anyone else would miss her, it would be you. Not that you should. It’s just – what I was thinking.”

She doesn’t talk for several seconds.

“You’re not entirely wrong.” She says. “But I do miss her, Terezi. I miss what she might have been. I’ve missed her every single day, since she kissed Tavros. But I’m happy here.” She pauses again for the barest second. “It’s quiet here. It’s peaceful. Vriska was always fighting, ever since she was hatched. Trying to be the hero. I miss her. But I think she might have ruined this.”

You are very slow to respond, and she does not interrupt you. “Can I ask – I don’t mean to be offensive, I’m not mad –”

“Of course.”

“When did you give up on her?” You ask, words flooding out of your mouth too fast for you to regret them.

She frowns, then laughs. “I think around the time that I punched her in the face.”

You laugh back, and feel a bit lighter as you do. Which is nice. “Yeah. I probably could have guessed that.”

She smiles. “Good luck, Terezi. Promise me you’ll tell me if there’s anything I can do to help.”

You nod. The next time John catches up with you to ask how you’re doing, you tell him better, and you mean it.

***

You approach Rose as she's knitting in the sunshine, perched on a fountain in the center of your city. The scene is so picturesque it would be sickening, were it not for how hard you knew she had worked to earn it.

She pauses in her work when you block her sunlight and smiles at you. "Care to join me, Pyrope?"

You plop down next to her on the ledge, tilting your head up so you can feel the warmth hit your face. "The sun here is weird." You say.

"So I've heard. I suppose trollish trepidation on the subject is reasonable, considering the star above Alternia. Especially coming from you."

You reach down a hand so that your fingertips are immersed in fountain water, swirling it gently around. "Do you know where she is?" You ask.

"No." She says. "And I doubt I could figure it out. I suspect it could be possible if the both of us tried together, but as I understand it you're no longer in the business of trying. Are you having second thoughts?"

"More like fifth thoughts."

"I imagine that's a minimum."

You pause, swirling the water around your hand. It's cool to the touch, remarkably grounding. "Do you miss her?"

"I miss everyone we lost. Even the people I barely met. She played a hand in saving my life more than once, and did far more for me than I ever did for her. But I'm sure you know that I don't really want her back."

“I keep thinking it would be easier if someone did.” You say. “Besides me. If there was even one person here who would plead her case. At least then I could argue with someone other than myself.”

Rose shrugs. “I’m always happy to play devil’s advocate, you know.”

“See, that’s kind of my point, is that you just called Vriska the devil.”

“I imagine she’d be proud of that.”

You sigh. “Yeah.”

You sit in silence for another few moments, and Rose puts down her knitting. Her hand finds yours in the water and you hold on tighter than you mean to.

“Do you think she got away?” You ask.

“Do you want me to be honest?”

“Yes.”

“Almost certainly. She got away from most things. Including you.”

“Thanks, Rose.” Your tone is sarcastic, but you’re not sure if you mean the sentiment or not.

“Have you considered that she earned it?”

“I’m not sure if you’re being mean or pedantic.”

“I’m not being either. She earned it. We all did. We got the ending that we wanted, and she got the ending that she wanted. Do you really think she would have wanted to live here? For Pete’s sake, I’ve spent all day today knitting in a sunbeam. I do miss her, and I don’t hate her, and I’d bet you the same could be said of every single person here. But I’m not going to lie to you and say she deserved you. I’m not interested in lying to you at all. She earned her ending, but she didn’t earn you.”

You feel Rose’s grip on your hand tighten while she’s talking at the same time as yours loosens. You feel the warmth on your face, and you look where you think the sun is, but you can’t see it.

“You’re right. But I want her back anyway.”

Rose lets go of your hand and pulls hers out of the water, shaking it a couple times to dry it. “Of course you do. But I promise, Terezi – one day, you won’t any more. Keep trying till then, I’ll help if I can. As long as I don’t have to lie to you.”

“I’ll add your name to the list.” You say.

She collects her knitting again, sticking the needles into her half-finished piece. “I’ll let you keep the fountain to yourself for a while. It’s nice there. Try not to get sunburned. Or don’t, I don’t think you can get sunburned. Kanaya can’t, but she’s still kind of a vampire, so maybe that’s why. I’m going to go try to pull my brother and his boyfriend out of whatever tree they’re kissing under so we can make dinner.” She stands, and pauses, tilting her head as she looks back at you. “Sorry for being so honest. It’s probably not what you wanted to hear.”

“Not really, but you’re forgiven. Make fun of Karkat for me.”

She smiles. “Always. See you later.”

You keep the fountain to yourself for a while.

***

Did she really not earn you? You spent fucking sweeps earning her, so why doesn’t the reverse apply? You know she tried, you were there, you were watching, you know she tried too. When did that change? What did you do? Was there something else you could have done, or did she bone this one up all by herself? Could she have gotten here if she wanted to? And if she could have, why didn’t she? Why the hell did she lie to you, tell you she was coming back for you, when she wasn’t? You fucking time traveled to save her life, and she can’t even be bothered to come live with you in paradise?

And why do you still care, when you know all that shit, when you know Rose is right, when you already stopped trying? Every time you think about changing your mind about that, of going back just once more, something stops you. So you know you’re right to, you know you’re right. You might never know what happened entirely, but you know that if she’d really wanted to get here, she would have gotten here, because there was nothing she couldn’t get if she wanted it badly enough. The only logical conclusion is that she didn’t want you badly enough.

You spent sweeps earning her, and you spent sweeps believing there was fault on both sides. And there was, you were right. But that doesn’t make you even. You never killed anyone who didn’t deserve it, you never broke your crush’s legs, you never created a super villain, and you never made the first move.

When you lost her before, in the world that didn’t happen, you didn’t know all that. You didn’t know you were right, and you didn’t know you weren’t even, and when you lost her before, you lost yourself.

This time, you’re not going to do that.

This time, you’re not going to go that far just to find her.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my god I think this fanfiction took me nearly a year. Does anyone even read Homestuck fanfiction any more?
> 
> This is, as a matter of fact, quite possibly the last Homestuck fanfiction I'll ever post. I have another WIP in my documents (that may or may not be part of That One AU), but I have no idea if I'll ever finish it. If not, it's been fun, y'all - seriously. This is the community that got me into writing fanfic in the first place, and I'm more grateful for that than I can possibly communicate in words. I hope y'all are having as much fun in your new fandoms as I am in mine. And hey - we'll always have Con Air.
> 
> Title is from "Don't Let's Start" by They Might Be Giants (but the fic was actually inspired by "Good Grief" by Bastille).


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